Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I love having hate sex.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
