I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
