Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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