i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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