so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
