hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
