I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Found the puke drawer
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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