I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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