what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
