I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize