literally had 100 drinks last night.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i came on her dog
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
