You can't special order awesome
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
