guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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