I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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