I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
