I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
