Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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