Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Farmville is her only friend.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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