just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
