hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
