YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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