Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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