wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
