so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
