I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize