if you like me you must not know who I am
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
