he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
