for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
