try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
