Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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