I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
