I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
