She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
