is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
