fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
