I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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