this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
