wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
