Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize