I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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