Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
