the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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