She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize