I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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