i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
