I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can't turn off my feet"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
