I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize