thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
