Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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