That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
