We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
