Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Please don't give away my fajitas
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize