Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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