We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How's work?
Spinning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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