Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
