The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
