a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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