I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
