so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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