After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
