I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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