you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
