I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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