My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
