i just had sex bonerless
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
