Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
