we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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