I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
