I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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