YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
