This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
