Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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