I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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