we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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