I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
