I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
