New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
