i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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