Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
