My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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