I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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