I checked into jail on foursquare
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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