I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
