You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
