Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
