You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize