Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
