We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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